When You Lose Presence: A Therapist's Descent and Return

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I'm supposed to have this figured out.

I'm a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor. I teach Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. I guide people through hypnosis and past-life regression. I interview therapists, physicians, CEO's, meditation & spiritual teachers, shamans, channelers, and consciousness seekers on my podcast. I've spent years studying how people transform, how they break free from limiting core beliefs, how they move from fear, doubt, shame, and anger into alignment.

And yet, there I was on a Tuesday evening, sitting across from my son at dinner, checking my phone for the third time in ten minutes.

He was telling me something about his day- something that mattered to him-and I was mentally drafting an email to a potential client. I was "optimizing." Planning. Building.

I was doing exactly what I help my clients stop doing.

When Your Credentials Don't Save You

Here's what they don't tell you in graduate school: having the tools doesn't mean you'll always use them.

I became a therapist because I wanted to help people. But somewhere along the way, I started building a business instead of serving a calling. I got caught up in marketing strategies, conversion rates, podcast downloads, Google ad optimization. All good things. All necessary things.

But I'd forgotten the most fundamental truth I teach: presence is the point.

Not success. Not achievement. Not even transformation, ironically.

Just showing up fully for the moment in front of you.

And I wasn't doing it.

The Descent I Didn't Plan

The realization hit me hard. Not in a dramatic breakdown kind of way, but in that quiet, devastating way where you suddenly see yourself clearly and don't like what you see what is looking back at you. 

I'd become so focused on helping people find presence that I'd lost my own.

This wasn't my first descent. I've had others—a divorce that shattered my identity, money collapses that forced me to question everything, a spiritually transformative experience that opened me to dimensions of consciousness I couldn't explain with my clinical training. But this one was different. Because I couldn't blame it on circumstances. This was on me.

I was choosing achievement over connection. Strategy over surrender. Future planning over present moment awareness.

And my son and daughter were paying the price.

Why I'm Telling You This

I could have written this blog post about the benefits of mindfulness. I could have given you "10 Tips for Being More Present." I could have hidden behind my credentials and maintained the professional distance that most therapists are taught to keep.

But here's what I've learned, both personally and professionally:

You're not looking for someone who never fell apart. You're looking for someone who's done the messy, painful work of putting themselves back together- and can guide you through yours.

When I work with clients now—especially driven professionals who are successful on paper but struggling internally—I'm not teaching from theory. I'm sharing what I've lived.

I know what it's like to:

• Have all the spiritual knowledge and still fall into the same patterns
• Build something meaningful but lose yourself in the building
• Know what you should do and still not be able to do it
• Feel successful and empty at the same time
• Realize your achievement addiction is just fear in disguise

That last one deserves more attention. Because most high-achievers don't recognize it as fear—they think it's ambition, drive, passion. But underneath the constant doing, the optimizing, the "just one more thing," there's often a terrified question: "Am I enough yet?" The achievement never answers it. It just creates more need to achieve.

And I know what it takes to transform it. Not because I read it in a book, but because I've done the work.

The Integration of Science and Soul

Here's my position: I'm a licensed therapist and mindfulness teacher who also does quantum healing hypnosis and interviews Experiencers & ET channelers.

I have clinical training in evidence-based modalities. I also trust my direct experience of consciousness that goes way beyond what mainstream psychology will acknowledge, although the research is now overwhelming. 

Most therapists won't touch the spiritual stuff. Most spiritual teachers lack clinical grounding. I live in the overlap—and I'm not interested in pretending I don't.

Because my clients need both. They need someone who understands trauma, attachment patterns, and nervous system regulation AND someone who won't dismiss their spiritual and near death experiences, their intuitive hits, their sense that there's more going on than meets the eye.

What This Means If You Work With Me

If you come to work with me, you're not getting a distant expert who has it all figured out or someone who will only validate your spiritual bypassing. You're getting a licensed therapist who's done his own shadow work and continues to, someone who can hold space for the mess because he's sat in his own, and honest feedback from someone who cares about your actual transformation, not just feeling good about yourself.

You're also getting permission to be a work in progress. Because I am too.

The Work That Changed Everything

After that Tuesday dinner with my son, I didn't just feel bad and move on. I did what I ask my clients to do: I went deeper.

I sat with the shame of it. I journaled. I meditated. I asked myself the hard questions about what I was really running from. I worked with my own therapist. I got honest about how my drive for success was actually an attempt to prove I was worthy—the same wound I help my clients heal.

And I changed. Not perfectly. Not permanently. But meaningfully.

I set boundaries with work. I put my phone away during family time. I stopped measuring my worth by my podcast downloads. I remembered that my life isn't a project to be optimized—it's an experience to be lived.

The next week, I sat across from my son at dinner with my phone upstairs. He looked up at me after a few minutes and said, "Dad, you're actually paying attention." And that was it. The whole point. Not the business growth or the podcast success or the number of clients. Just that moment of connection with my kid who noticed I'd come back.

That's when my practice actually started to grow. Not because of better marketing, but because I was finally embodying what I was offering. As above, so below, as within, so without. 

The Invitation

If you're reading this and something in you is nodding, we should talk.

Not because I have all the answers- I don't.

But because I know what it's like to be smart, capable, and successful on the outside while struggling with limiting beliefs, worthiness wounds, and disconnection on the inside. I know what it's like to want more from life but not know how to get there without grinding yourself down in the process.

And I know the path from where you are to where you want to be, because I've walked it myself. Multiple times. In multiple ways.

If you're ready to do the real work—not just read about it, but actually transform the patterns that keep you stuck—give me a call. We'll have a conversation about where you are, where you want to go, and whether working together makes sense.

Or if you want to start with a structured practice that builds the foundation for everything else, check out our 8-week online MBSR course. It's where I started. It's where many people begin: learning to be present with whatever is, without judgment.

The transformation you're looking for doesn't happen by thinking about it more. Ask yourself how you want to feel, and remember you are worth the investment. 

It happens by being willing to face yourself honestly, with support, and do the work that changes you from the inside out.

I'll be here when you're ready.